I didn't mean to be away for so long. Work has been taking up a great deal of time (no, I haven't stopped coming to work). Don't you hate that? When work is work?
This is Gwen. Gwen is neurotic. Her life is far from perfect, and she complains about it regularly. We don't know why her life isn't perfect, but it isn't.
This is Simon. Simon is a big, dumb guy. His life is perfect and he rarely complains.
This is Fred. Fred loves water. Fred's life is perfect, too, except for the Monster.
This is Judy. Despite what Fred thinks, she is not a monster.
In her way, she is actually kind of sweet. But, Tea's comment from the other day isn't so far off ("She sounds like a housewife who got married as a teen just to leave her parents' home, but it turns out she's secretly a lesbian and now has 9 kids so she has to turn to the Vicodin & Gin diet.") Poor girl.
Because we can't seem to get the situation between Judy and Fred under control, we called in an expert. Yes. An expert. A cat whisperer, if you will. She had some interesting insights: it seems that female cats in general, and calicos in particular, are quite anti-social. Their little pea brains are all about maximizing resources for themselves and whatever litter of kittens they have hanging around. Even if they have never had kittens, this is still part of their genetic makeup. Calicos are even worse because it takes some extra female chromosomes to hold all of the colors. Super females. Males are only trying to maximize their own resources, so can afford to allow other cats into their orbits.
Judy was ok with Simon and Gwen because she was a kitten when she came. They were, for all intents and purposes, her parents. She is not ok with Fred because Fred is also a female, almost an adult, and kind of a bad ass herself. It turns out, Fred is a bit of a killer (or she wants to be). She got on this poor woman's lap and starting trying to eat her knee.
So. We are to start feeding them treats, first separated by a cracked door, then in full view of each other, but separated by a screen (child gate, or something), gradually moving them closer together. They should, in theory, begin to associate each other with TREATS rather than KILL.
Sounds good in theory. But we are having trouble getting them to step one. Judy is too freaked out to come out from under the bed and Fred is much too busy. We'll keep trying, our wits aren't at an end yet, but we're getting close.